This started out as a little pen drawing so I could get an idea of what Rue's back might look like. Originally I was going to have it a lot more scarred, but then I remembered that I might want to draw Rue from behind again someday, and a million scars might be difficult to place appropriately.This is also incredibly cliché.
Please excuse my complete lack of being able to draw a person from behind, especially a well muscled person. Would one of you guys like to draw him and I can have some loverly arts to brighten my spirits?
It's been a hard last little while for me. I'm still battling feelings of complete lonliness, and a resurgence of feelings regarding my past abuse.
Every time I think I've dealt with it, something comes up and reminds me that I haven't. Every time I think I've completely forgiven both of them for what they have done, I am reminded brutally what I've lost because of them.
I was expressing my feelings of anxiety to my priest about my upcoming wedding- more specifically, I know that a person with my background has a few strikes against them before the vows are even exchanged. My abuse, being surrounded by unhealthy marital relationships, and so on.
He said it was good that I was concerned, because it meant that I knew it could be a problem, and could look out for it.
He also confirmed a fear: It was a strike against me, as far as a successful marriage goes. The most successful ones, he said, were when two Christians married each other and were virgins when they did so.
It makes my heart ache. I'm still suffering the consequences of something that happening to me when I was three. For the first time in a long time, I felt anger towards the man who had taken that from me. It's... I mean, I hate to say it, but it just feels so completely unfair. I didn't choose, at the age of three, to no longer be a virgin.
It's crazy to think that when I was three, my chances at a successful marriage immediately fell by something like over 50%.
I keep praying that God will take this bitterness, anger, and pain away. I truly want to forgive both of them, and become a new creation. In time.
For the time being, enjoy Rue, who feels to me like a kindred soul.
2 comments:
Okay, not to offend your priest guy or anything but I really can't believe that two virgins marrying each other usually turns out to be the best marriage. It seems to me you're more likely to have problems later if it turns out you and your husband have a terrible sex life...unless you don't care about that sort of thing, like Nanny Bea I guess, lol.
also, hehe naked Rue! I enjoy this. Draw more! I need to start posting things again too! Oh God! haha
Thank you, Sonya.
And yes, I want to see some posts from you soon!
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