Birthday, Pt2

Rue in his true glory. Please enjoy.

Happy Birthday, old man

Please enjoy, large features and all. Rue has really nice hair- anyone else jealous of it? haha

Wedding Workout

So, if I wanna look good on the big day, I'ma have to exercise. Seeing as I have nowhere to write this stuff, I'm going to track my progress here. Today is the 25th of July. I'm working out to tone my arms and legs, and to flatten my belly. I want to look awesome.

My goals are to feel more energized and more comfortable with my body. I also want to start thinking about tracking my calorie/ junk food intake.

Starting weight: 95lbs.

Measurements: Chest- 30in. 27in ribcage.

Waist- very close to 25in

Hips- 32in

Thighs-18in

Forearms-8 1/2 in.

These numbers are depressing. I want my waist to be more like 23in, and the thighs would probably look better if they were 16. Never measure yourselves, you'll be sad at the end. On the bright side I guess is that besides my thick waist, I would fit into a size zero dress.

Size zero measurements, if you don't want to look it up- 23.5in waist, 31.5in bust, and 34in hips.

Let's see how this works out, boyos.

Judas Abubakar

Please enjoy.

Women's Infidelity?

Greetings, old cats. I hope you like the new look of my blog. It feels more... breathy, don't you think? I love it, everything except that header. If anyone knows how to make one, send me a template and some instructions, because I want everything to have the overhaul. What do you guys think should be on the new header? I really like my friend Tania's, I could take two characters and put them up or something. Please, let me know!

Also, chapter 6 is going to be up in a few days, without beta-ing. I hope you guy(s?) will like it, mistakes and all.

So. The real reason I felt compelled to be here today. When Joseph goes to work, I look stuff up on the internet that generally makes me feel horrible. For example, cheating spouses, birth defects, eating disorders, you name it.

I came upon a book today. It's called "Women's Infidelity".

I have a fear of numbers, guys. I fear the number on my scale, on the tape measure, of my clothes, and of my age. Maybe that's normal for a woman, I don't know.

I very vividly remember the days before I turned 19. I remember thinking, "I'm becoming an adult in a few days. What kind of person am I going to be?"

I've been told for the majority of my life that when I grew up, I was going to abuse children because of what happened to me. I couldn't believe it. Why would I do something that was so painful to me to another person? I couldn't even re-enact it on a bear. How could I be that person?

I came to assume it was something that would happen when I became an adult, and here in Canada, you're recognized as one legally when you're 19. I contemplated suicide more than once as the big day drew near. Obviously, it was something I couldn't carry through with.

Knowing I was born at two thirty in the morning, I had all night to be awake and worry. I thought I would 'die' in a sense that night. Some adult would come alive inside me, and abused me would be in the background. She'd be aware, but unable to do anything.

Now I find this Infidelity book. It makes me fear becoming 30, it makes me fear hitting the four- year mark in my relationship as I fear that creature inside me again. The one that will come alive, and I will be unable to stop.

I believe that if you love a person, you will not cheat on them. Emotionally or physically. I don't understand how betrayal and love could both happen towards the same person.

It can't be completely true. There are some couples who are together, for 25+ years. It can't just be that we 'get tired' of our men. Movies and celebrities glorify an adulterous lifestyle, and many people talk of their numerous 'escapades' as something to be proud of. Maybe knowing of this potential danger can prevent it from happening to me.

I don't know. I think I just needed to talk, and this seems to be the only place I can do so. I'm glad I have this place. Most of the time, I'm hurt that people I consider friends don't bother reading my blog, but it's at times like these that I'm happy that I have this one piece of "land" to come to. I don't feel judged.

So from now on, I want to talk about something real. I mean, a lot of the stuff I talk about is real, but I want to even talk about things I don't normally mention. I want to talk about my fears, my ED, my EC characters, the Bible, my upcoming wedding. I want to share, and have people share with me.

If you made it this far, thank you for listening.

I realized today just how much my father managed to screw me up. I know what you're thinking. "Sachairi, every kid has father issues." Yes, I suppose they do. But now that the investigation into my case has come to a close, I feel like I owe those of you who care an explanation of how it ended.

The short of it would be: "Pretty friggen ugly, actually."

And now the long of it.

They scoured my files. There was no record of me being in foster care, at any point, even though I lived with all these strangers and went through EVERYTHING that entails the foster system. Even though my workers constantly removed me from my father's home because it wasn't good for me, and placed me with random people, I was never filed.

Even though my father TOLD me that I was in the foster system, and there was nothing he could do about the situation. He went on like he was this big friggen victim. Even though he said that he hated seeing me be bounced around like some ugly lamp.

I found out today that he helped orchestrate this entire thing. That he'd been lying to me, all these years. I'm so angry and hurt and... and I feel betrayed. Everything else that he's done to me seems like nothing compared to this.

Why couldn't he have handed me over like a decent human being? Why did he have to tell me all these lies? I went on about the foster system, and how it didn't work. He did, as well. WELL NO FRIGGEN WONDER. Sure, my father was given help as to what home I would go to next. I... I don't even know anymore.

Did he really hate me that much?

I think some of the worst of this is that... I was upset that I was surprised. I was upset that he didn't care, even though deep down I know better. I know better. This is why I put him, and all those other people, behind me. I really shouldn't have been surprised. My father has always only cared about himself. He's always been spiteful and manipulative. And yet I feel like an important part of my life has been pulled (roughly) from underneath me. It's all crumbling in front of me, everything that I thought I was.

I was fine, really, thinking that I knew what my situation was. I knew that digging this up could be potentially painful. I wish I never bothered in the first place.

Secret Powers

Sorry for how horrible this is. Did it in about half an hour, for laughs. Tobias' Secret Powers aren't really powers, eh? There's a hundred of them, but if I told you all of them, then they wouldn't be secret anymore. Please enjoy my failure. Also, enjoy the shout out to the Slytherins in the last panel.