Timeline

Do any of you guys ever feel like you were born at the wrong time?

I feel this way a lot. I love old music- everything from Elvis, Bonnie Tyler, Guns 'n' Roses to Beethoven.

I love keeping my head/ hair covered, as well as my body- even on Halloween, when many girls finally have that excuse to dress as... you know, without worrying about being called out on it.

I would absolutely love to be able to dress in the French fashions in King Henry VIII's time. Those ladies, although they sleep around a lot (according to Showcase) were classy as far as clothes went.

I miss the time when you could easily tell the difference between a man and a woman. Everyone is so androgynous, and I hate having to refer to anybody as an 'it' because I can't tell what they are.

I love a lot of stuff that happened way before my time.

I'm not saying I'd go back to these times. I like that I have rights *which are only valid, it seems, as long as everyone else agrees*. I like that I'm seen as a being who thinks and feels and that I can vote.

I mean, I don't vote (who could you possibly vote for anyway? It's a lose- lose- lose) but I'm glad that I could, if I wanted to.

I'm glad we live in a time where it's not okay for either partner to cheat on their spouse. I'm glad that it's considered a crime to beat your wife. Women's lib has done a lot of good and bad for us as a society. (The bad I'm speaking of is how women's rights somehow have something to do with being very pro- abortion)

But that is another topic entirely.

Have any of you ever felt like you were out of place, like maybe you were born in the wrong time?

General Update of Sorts

Just wanted to give a general update on all things Sachairi.

On the right, under "People of Awesome" You will notice some links gone, and new ones to replace them.

I still can't figure out Tumblr, but what good are they anyways if they don't even have a Christian section, so I might be able to find a blog I might like? It might be a blessing.

I've been watching a show called "The Tudors" and it shocks me that King Henry has yet to experience any character growth. Your marriage isn't working out? (Because you spend a lot of time cheating on your wife?) Then I guess that the only solution is to declare it "null and void". Urgh. I know the show is based on real events, but seriously. Grow up.

On the bright side, the women aren't all supermodels from Heaven, the costumes and sets are wonderful. I sometimes get distracted from all the cheating to focus on the lovely backgrounds. (Although the show seems to want to make sure that all you see is cheating)

Supernatural is returning in a few days, and I'm quite excited. I'm still holding out on seeing a decent Christian, Angel, or even a decent understanding of God (Please, Kripke, read some Bible, or talk to a Christian with answers. There's only like a couple million of us) but I love Dean and Castiel, and for them I will return.

They better work on this new character arc for Cas real quick though. What was he doing making out with a demon? It was completely out of left field. (Considering earlier that same episode he wasn't saying anything nice about the fact that she is a demon)

Kripke also seems to be on the misunderstanding that humans who go to hell eventually become demons. I guess I should take it easy on him. What else can you expect from an atheist? (Then again, there's a sad amount of Christians in that category as well)

I found a few incredible websites for homeschooling kids in a Christian home. I will be linking them as well.

Bathing

This started out as a little pen drawing so I could get an idea of what Rue's back might look like. Originally I was going to have it a lot more scarred, but then I remembered that I might want to draw Rue from behind again someday, and a million scars might be difficult to place appropriately.

This is also incredibly cliché.

Please excuse my complete lack of being able to draw a person from behind, especially a well muscled person. Would one of you guys like to draw him and I can have some loverly arts to brighten my spirits?

It's been a hard last little while for me. I'm still battling feelings of complete lonliness, and a resurgence of feelings regarding my past abuse.

Every time I think I've dealt with it, something comes up and reminds me that I haven't. Every time I think I've completely forgiven both of them for what they have done, I am reminded brutally what I've lost because of them.

I was expressing my feelings of anxiety to my priest about my upcoming wedding- more specifically, I know that a person with my background has a few strikes against them before the vows are even exchanged. My abuse, being surrounded by unhealthy marital relationships, and so on.

He said it was good that I was concerned, because it meant that I knew it could be a problem, and could look out for it.

He also confirmed a fear: It was a strike against me, as far as a successful marriage goes. The most successful ones, he said, were when two Christians married each other and were virgins when they did so.

It makes my heart ache. I'm still suffering the consequences of something that happening to me when I was three. For the first time in a long time, I felt anger towards the man who had taken that from me. It's... I mean, I hate to say it, but it just feels so completely unfair. I didn't choose, at the age of three, to no longer be a virgin.

It's crazy to think that when I was three, my chances at a successful marriage immediately fell by something like over 50%.

I keep praying that God will take this bitterness, anger, and pain away. I truly want to forgive both of them, and become a new creation. In time.

For the time being, enjoy Rue, who feels to me like a kindred soul.

2011

Well, it's that time again, I suppose.

I didn't really come up with a New Year's Resolution this year. I mean, it's getting incredibly difficult. The only thing I ever want to do is lose weight, and that's what I do during Lent. Over 40 days, I eat next to nothing. I figure Jesus did it in a desert, surely I can do it in the comfort of my apartment.

So I know what to do for Lent. The only difference this year is that I have to be sneaky about it, because the significant other will be all, you know, "eat or else".

I'm going to get back into writing, and possibly drawing more. No sense in my college education going completely to waste.

This next year is going to be a lot of changes for me. Namely, I'm getting married in the summer, going back to school because I love having a huge student loan, and Joseph and I need to start making our own traditions, for when children start appearing.

I say appearing because it's kind of wishful thinking. I am really torn about the whole pregnancy thing. I mean, it doesn't look too horrible, but my fears of weight gain/ stretch marks/ pain are all things I'm going to have to overcome. But not right now. Let's move on before I have a panic attack. =D

So. My goals for the New Years. I'm really quite involved with the church nowadays, so it's going to be a challenge to meet and make friends of my own age. I miss people. Who knew growing up was so... lonely? Not what I expected, to be sure.

I think part of it is the fact that I'm Christian. Jesus wasn't kidding about nobody would want anything to do with you. At least He warns you.

So, new friends. Back to writing and drawing. I'll try to come back to blogging more often, because I've missed this place. Usual weight loss thing... (I lost a few pounds over Christmas! =D And I was eating SO MUCH cheesecake!)

I want to start purchasing dresspants, and more covering shirts. Clothes are too whorish. Whenever I see girls wearing next to nothing, I feel like I'm equally undressed. It's strange. Cover up, girls. That's what ladies do.

I'll need more Hijabi materials. (My mother got me the most lovely scarf for Christmas, plus a leatherbound KJV Bible. If you knew my mother, you would know how significant this is)

I'm glad to be back, guys. =D