The short of it would be: "Pretty friggen ugly, actually."
And now the long of it.
They scoured my files. There was no record of me being in foster care, at any point, even though I lived with all these strangers and went through EVERYTHING that entails the foster system. Even though my workers constantly removed me from my father's home because it wasn't good for me, and placed me with random people, I was never filed.
Even though my father TOLD me that I was in the foster system, and there was nothing he could do about the situation. He went on like he was this big friggen victim. Even though he said that he hated seeing me be bounced around like some ugly lamp.
I found out today that he helped orchestrate this entire thing. That he'd been lying to me, all these years. I'm so angry and hurt and... and I feel betrayed. Everything else that he's done to me seems like nothing compared to this.
Why couldn't he have handed me over like a decent human being? Why did he have to tell me all these lies? I went on about the foster system, and how it didn't work. He did, as well. WELL NO FRIGGEN WONDER. Sure, my father was given help as to what home I would go to next. I... I don't even know anymore.
Did he really hate me that much?
I think some of the worst of this is that... I was upset that I was surprised. I was upset that he didn't care, even though deep down I know better. I know better. This is why I put him, and all those other people, behind me. I really shouldn't have been surprised. My father has always only cared about himself. He's always been spiteful and manipulative. And yet I feel like an important part of my life has been pulled (roughly) from underneath me. It's all crumbling in front of me, everything that I thought I was.
I was fine, really, thinking that I knew what my situation was. I knew that digging this up could be potentially painful. I wish I never bothered in the first place.
